Redefining Support in a Solution-Oriented World

In our fast-paced society, the concept of holding space for others has become increasingly important. From self-help books to unsolicited advice, our culture thrives on action. But what if the most profound form of support isn’t about solving at all? What if it’s about presence? Holding space is the antidote to our solution-oriented world. It’s the radical act of showing up fully, without judgment or the need to intervene. It’s a skill we desperately need to reclaim and very few humans know how to do it well.

The Fix-It Mentality: Why We’re Obsessed with Solving

Our society glorifies fixing. When a friend confides in us, our first instinct is to ask, “Have you tried this?” When someone expresses pain, we rush to suggest a solution. This reflex, though often well-intentioned, comes from a deeper cultural conditioning: the belief that value is tied to utility.

But here’s the problem: not everything is meant to be fixed. Problems—especially emotional ones—are often complex, layered, and resistant to quick solutions. When we leap to fix, we risk invalidating the other person’s experience, making them feel unseen or unheard.

Not every wound needs a bandage; some need time, space, and the quiet courage of presence.

What Holding Space Truly Means

Holding space isn’t passive. It’s the active choice to sit with someone in their discomfort, offering nothing but your full presence. It’s listening to understand, not respond. It’s resisting the urge to steer the conversation or resolve the tension.

Think of holding space as creating a container. It’s a vessel that allows what’s inside—be it grief, joy, confusion, or anger—to simply be without spilling over.

When we hold space, we signal to the other person that they are safe to unravel, process, and rebuild in their own time. This is where transformation begins.

Presence isn’t passive. It’s the active choice to sit with the unknown and trust in its unfolding.

Why Fixing Isn’t Enough

Fixing often comes from our own discomfort. We feel uneasy witnessing someone’s pain or struggle, so we rush to alleviate it. But in doing so, we rob them of the opportunity to process their emotions fully and authentically. Fixing is about control; holding space is about trust.

Holding space is the courage to witness without rescuing, to stay without solving, and to love without conditions.

How to Practice Holding Space

1. Release the Need to Fix

Notice when your instinct to solve arises. Ask yourself: is this about their need, or my discomfort?

2. Cultivate Deep Listening

Listen to understand, not to respond. Pay attention not just to the words, but to the emotions and energy behind them.

3. Honor Their Process

Trust that the person in front of you has the wisdom to navigate their own journey. Your role is to support, not to steer.

4. Stay Grounded

Holding space isn’t about absorbing someone else’s pain. Stay centered in your own energy while being present for theirs. Internal Family Systems is a phenomenal tool for learning how to hold space- for yourself first.

The magic of holding space lies in its simplicity: being there, fully, is enough.

Redefining Support in a New Era

In a society that prizes action, holding space is a revolutionary act. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the best way to help isn’t to do more but to simply be more. Imagine the impact if we all learned to hold space for one another—in our relationships, workplaces, and communities.

The world doesn’t need more fixers. It needs more holders of space—people brave enough to sit in the stillness, offering not answers, but love. If you are in need of someone to hold space for you please do not hesitate to reach out. I’d love to hold space for you.

Presence over performance. Trust over control. Love over fixing.